A Dance with the Devil
Anthony Martinez used to be one of the good guys. But his penchant for fast cars and fancy nightclubs left him cavorting with the wrong company. At some point, an offer just turned up that was too tempting and now he`s neck-deep into arms smuggling. As an added bonus he and Vaana have found a mutual interest that tuns deeper than running guns.
Vaana Ketlyn is a female of great renown in the Nevada desert area. At the age of 35, she has established an empire in her own right and she has a flair for the dramatic.She`s also an adept Escrima-style swordfighter.She earns a pretty penny on arms deals, which help finance her high standard of living. Lately she has taken a liking to a certain less-than-straight CIA agent.
LAS VEGAS METROPOLITAN POLICE DEPARTMENT confirmed this morning that former CIA agent, Anthony Martinez and his lover, Vaana Ketlyn were found dead at an office building on the strip, last night.
The extent of Mr.Martinez`work with the CIA is unknow, for obvious reasons. Local authorities were unwilling to speculate as to whether or not his intelligence background had anything to do with his death.
"Not everyone who works for the CIA ends up dead at a Las Vegas party," quipped one investigator who didn`t seem amused by reporters`persistent questions about Martinez`background.
Mr.Martinez had been living in Key West for the past few years. Little is Known about his activities there, but he does seem to have done an unusual amount of traveling.
According to his Key West neighbors, he was a quiet but friendly man who kept to himself. None of the neighbors interviewed by this paper knew anything about his CIA background.
The Central Intelligence Agency would not even confirm that Mr.Martinez had ever worked for them. Nor would agency representatives comment on the possible implications of his apparently violent death.
Mr.Martinez studied anthropology and psychology as an undergraduate, and held a Master`s Degree in Asian history. He was fluent in over a dozen languages.
Poodle Explodes in Microwave, Killing 2 by Hannah Madeline
At first the neighbors thought a bomb had gone off.
"It was quiet like usual for a weeknight," Harry Cornack recalls, "and I was just having a little dinner in front of the TV, when all of a sudden BLAM! The walls shook, the windows rattled, and I thought, 'Good lord, we're under attack!'"
Fortunately, or unfortunately, it wasn't a bomb or grenade that had gone off in a neighboring apartment. It was a poodle.
Moira Cohen, Cornack's next-door neighbor for more than thirty years, had just given her toy poodle "Mrs. Dinky" a bath and was in a hurry to dry and groom her in time for Mrs. Dinky's showing at the Ugly Dog Show.
She apparently made the fateful decision to put the dog in the microwave after her blow-dryer shorted out.
"Most people aren't aware of certain explosive properties of the common toy poodle," Las Vegas Police forensic examiner Grant Cheek observes.
"Nature has, for reasons of her own, equipped toy poodles with certain super-charged hormonal secretions that have two unusual properties: they swell dramatically in heat, and they're extremely incendiary. You may recall the military's infamous 'Poodle Bomb' experiments toward the end of the Cold War. The Whigham Commission put a quick stop to that, but each and every toy poodle out there is still a potential bomb."
Mrs. Cohen was apparently as unaware as most Americans of the exploding poodle phenomenon, and she and her long-time companion Gertrude McCarthy paid for the oversight with their lives.
Mrs. Dinky received a posthumous Honorable Mention from the Ugly Dog Show.
Ugly Dogs Have Their Dayby Pauly Vee
The dust has finally settled and the organizers of the first Ugly Dog Show have announced it won't be the last. The one-week extravaganza at the Las Vegas Convention Center brought in more than 150,000 tourists (each of whom spent an average of about $810 in the city) and 4000 of the world's ugliest dogs.
"We're pretty darn excited," says promoter Jeff Brookshire. "We took a big risk and it paid off. A lot of people asked me, they were like 'Jeff, you've finally lost your mind, who wants to pay money to look at a bunch of ugly dogs?' But I never lost my faith. I knew it was a winning idea and now the accounting speaks for itself. Ugly dogs are here to stay, Las Vegas!"
The week-long Ugly Dog Show featured three days of ugly dog exhibition and ugly dog-themed entertainment, followed by a two-day ugly dog pageant that ultimately crowned a 16-year-old, one-eyed, three-legged mutt "Ugliest of Show." UGLY, p. 5
Crackdown on Raves by Pauly Vee
A spokesman for the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department announced yesterday that the LVMPD would be cracking down on raves and other underground parties in Las Vegas effective immediately.
"These parties violate zoning laws, entertainment laws, and are often hotbeds of illegal narcotics and prostitution," said LVPD spokesman Matthew O'Neill at a press conference on the continuing investigation into the unfortunate "Heaven and Hell" tragedies.
"They represent a shadow industry of illegal activity that we intend to shut down beginning right now," the red-faced spokesman proclaimed. "I'm here to tell the scumbags behind the rave community: your days are numbered. You can pack it up and get out of town, or we can hunt you down and lock you up. Your call."
Mr. O'Neill appears to have his work cut out for him. Rave organizers can earn hundred of thousands to millions of dollars for a single night of underground entertainment. And demand for the illegal parties isn't likely to diminish, especially since the fact that they're illegal to begin with RAVE CRACKDOWN, p. 3
Local Reaction to Presidential Debates by Mike Ricker
Local reaction to the first presidential debate appears to have been muted. Telephone polls conducted yesterday suggested that neither candidate appeared to have gained or lost significant support as a result of the debate.
Frank Morgan continues to be the favored candidate of 51% of Nevada's registered voters. Las Vegas residents continue to favor President Stewart by a large margin, although the number of undecideds appears to be rising.
Both state parties claim the increase in undecided voters will benefit their candidates on Election Day, but unless President Stewart's campaign gets some traction in rural areas, it's extremely unlikely he'll be able to carry the state in November.
When asked which candidate was strongest on national security, voters statewide favored Morgan by an almost 2-1 ratio. When asked which candidate would do the most to protect their retirement, Stewart came out on top by the same 2-1 ratio.